A person stuck in time makes everyone uncomfortable, be it former glory or past tragedy. Although the past is very dear to us, we seldom remember it with accuracy. Somehow, we are able to manipulate it to suit our sense of melodrama. Hence, it’s not surprising that we feel nostalgic for times that were not all that happy because (aside from a few milestones) we tend to distort memories. Childhood memories often make us wistful, although being a child made many of us feel helpless. We stare longingly at the park we used to play in because we’ve conveniently submerged the memory of how we wished to become adults. Everything seems better in comparison to adult problems, and so, we sit with friends and reminisce about adolescent struggles and heartbreaks with laughter. Time heals minor wounds and it’s comforting to reimagine the rest as ideal.

Some of us even do the opposite and make ourselves very unhappy with the past. Life doesn’t always work according to plan. Instead of treating it as a natural phenomenon experienced by most of us, we take the Freudian approach and blame every wrong choice on a difficult childhood. Yet, that seems to be another extreme. Almost everyone has experienced some troubles that marred their childhood. It’s also likely that at a nascent age one may have made errors in judgement that are directly related to those problems, but to say that one is affected by childhood issues even as an adult, is to acknowledge that one is merely shifting the onus of their own accountability on parents or guardians instead of seeking ways to heal from it. A mature understanding of the past would serve us well.

After all, we acquire an education, discover the arts, play a sport, pick hobbies, make friends and choose partners and careers. Surely, these influences impact our decision-making process. It seems a bit absurd to suggest that none of these factors count. That we are different or better than those who raised us in many ways but while making a few key decisions, we reenacted a childhood scenario and allowed our personality to slip into a detrimental (sub-conscious) role play. Either we own up to our mistakes gracefully or then attribute our success to those who looked after us in our formative years. We can’t take credit for our success but find scapegoats for our failures.

The essence of life lies in moving forward. I feel young but the greys in my hair and the crow lines by my eyes tell me otherwise. I don’t wish to be young and vulnerable again because there are advantages to be enjoyed at every age. I no longer hanker for a version of myself that I left behind. People’s perception of me, and the version of me that they remember does not dictate how I feel about myself. I value my own reality. My version of my life which brought me to my contemporary persona is sacred to me.

Everything is in a constant state of change. Meadows change colour, sand dunes shift and the very soil under our feet erodes. The passage of time is most evident through the changing histories of countries and cultures. Today, we can relax with a cup of coffee at a café across the Colosseum in Rome, although we know that it was a site for public executions. Just as we leave those grotesque images behind without forgetting the value of the human journey, we ought to stop nitpicking through our personal history. Anything that has passed has died and everything that has survived will continue to metamorphose. Homes that have been in the family for years look different with every generation. Modern aesthetics and restructured interiors bring fresh life to it. New, young voices echo through its walls and change it. It is up to us to accept that nothing remains the same, be it material or sentient, and to make peace with it. The past can be dear to us but we have to find a way to keep it intact without compromising the present quality of our existence.