The title of the Bond film “Die Another Day,” aptly describes the feeling you have before a family wedding. Suddenly, everything seems to be hinged on those few days when elaborate events have been planned to celebrate something as simple as two people beginning a life together. All information that leads up to the event only makes sense in context to it. So, if there’s news about another deadly virus, somehow the first thought isn’t about health or safety. It’s about calculating the speed at which a virus can hits one’s own country and then assessing the probability of another lockdown. The paramount concern being, will the hotel/caterer/ makeup artist/ DJ/ photographer etc., etc., adjust the date given to them. And even worse, will this so revered event where Indians invite their neighbours and their cousins, have to be a small, quiet affair.

Invitations are sent out in hundreds, so even an irritation in the throat (which when you live in a polluted metropolis like Mumbai is a regular occurrence) feels like the beginning of a catastrophe. You don’t want to be on medication when you’re trying to look, behave and feel your best as you greet a large crowd. It’s an Indian thing to get disproportionately involved in these celebrations. It’s not a wedding if months of frantic planning can still lead to chaos. It is expected that someone or the other will behave unprofessionally. Either a designer will botch up a piece of clothing or a make-up artist will bail at the last minute. It’s also not a wedding if the build-up doesn’t involve some family drama about the guest list or a debate over the sequence of events. There’s also always a bit of last-minute budget rejuggling and some exasperated exclamations of ‘This is a once- in- a -lifetime occasion and if we don’t spend now then when will we!’ even if it’s often proven to not be a once-in-a-lifetime event.

Mostly, it doesn’t feel like a wedding if friends and family don’t fly down from all parts of the globe and also spend exorbitant amounts on air tickets and clothes only to end up sleep deprived and hungover from the festivities. People love to compare the number of hours of sleep they got in, how their voices barely emerged from their throats in the days after and how badly they photographed. Yet, most close friends and family don’t want to miss the events. Moreover, it only feels like a celebration if friends act like relatives and relatives act like friends. It’s also usual for some or other relative to be disgruntled, some or other invitee to not turn up at the last minute and someone or the other to get drunk and misbehave. It’s not a wedding if there aren’t a few awkward speeches, a photographer who moves guests around like they’re props and a rush hour because everyone turns up an hour late and at the same time. Indians do not care about RSVP, can never have a sit-down dinner or arrive on time. Your proximity to the family is proven by the time you leave as opposed to the time you arrive.

Even though the old ways are slowly leaving us, with brides dancing and getting tipsy and bridegrooms wearing bright colours and jewellery, we retain some traditions like pampering the bride and making the bridegroom feel like a prince. We silently acknowledge that what lies ahead is not easy. Most couples know each other well by the time they marry but little do they know that time can make vows grow faint and passions fade. Yet, despite all the flak it faces, the institution of marriage has not become obsolete. In fact, weddings can have a domino effect in social circles. Youngsters watch their peer group getting married and begin to feel unsure about hacking it alone. So, no matter how odd it is for a single person to give up the luxury of choice in favour of one person, there comes a time when they willingly agree to it. Perhaps, Indian weddings with their raunchy music, loud camaraderie and glitzy participants are designed to tempt. Is there any advice to be given to the young people who are starting out? None. Everyone has their own journeys. And no matter how many jokes people make about marriage and the loss of independence, everyone, everyone needs to try it and give it their best. The difference between the two aspects of taking this step is obvious. Weddings are about sharing love but marriage is about sharing life.